Tell A Joke Here

I

Infrasound

Guest
#2
Monty Python!

1.
A: My dog doesn't have a nose.
B: How does he smell?
A: Aweful!

2.
There were three little peanuts. One was "a salted" peanut.
 

Reecebullet

GrandMaster
GrandMaster Poster
Messages
4,965
Reactions
4 0 0
#3
I shall give the stupid one:

1
A. Why did the chicken cross the road?
B. To see it's flat mate

:relaxed:
 

Duncan

AKA mobilephone2003
Messages
2,269
Reactions
169 1 0
#4
A magician was driving down the road..then he turned into a drive way...
 

Reecebullet

GrandMaster
GrandMaster Poster
Messages
4,965
Reactions
4 0 0
#5
Duncan link said:
A magician was driving down the road..then he turned into a drive way...
I dont get that one :pensive:

Prisoner: Look here, doctor! You've already removed my spleen, tonsils, adenoids, and one of my kidneys. I only came to see if you could get me out of this place!

Doctor: I am, bit by bit.

:relaxed:
 

Reecebullet

GrandMaster
GrandMaster Poster
Messages
4,965
Reactions
4 0 0
#7
*If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you*
 

PEZ

Expert
Messages
391
Reactions
0 0 0
#8
Duncan link said:
A magician was driving down the road..then he turned into a drive way...
thats very funny duncan, i think people will get it if the read it afew times.
 
Messages
47
Reactions
0 0 0
#10
A rancher walks into a bar, after a hard day on the ranch, sits down, and orders a whiskey. The woman on the stool next to him asks "are you a cowboy?", the rancher answers "I've lived on a ranch all my life, I look after horses and cows, so yes, I suppose I am, are you a cowboy?", "No, I am a lesbian, every day of my life I think about women, all the time". The rancher, suprised by his discovery, turns back to his whiskey when after a while the lesbian leaves and a couple sit next to him. They ask "Are you a cowboy?" he answers "I thought I was, but I just found out that i'm a lesbian" 
 

D3ATHMUFFIN

Professional
Messages
58
Reactions
0 0 0
#11
When god gives you lemons, you FIND A NEW GOD!

POWERTHIRST!

(look it up on youtube)
 
Messages
583
Reactions
0 0 0
#15
gottabeandrew link said:
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
I nominate this as the best joke ever :smiley:
 
0

0005113

Guest
#16
gymtonic link said:
[quote author=gottabeandrew link=topic=4000.msg38405#msg38405 date=1226838427]
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
I nominate this as the best joke ever :smiley:
[/quote]
I have to admit it is good, but I wouldn't say it is the best joke ever
 
Messages
7
Reactions
0 0 0
#17
Duncan link said:
A magician was driving down the road..then he turned into a drive way...
Someone said i don't get that one, I do.. He was driving then turned into a road, he turned himself into a road and also turned a bend. took me a few times reading it but I got there in the end... haha.
 
Messages
803
Reactions
0 0 0
#18
ghost568 link said:
A rancher walks into a bar, after a hard day on the ranch, sits down, and orders a whiskey. The woman on the stool next to him asks "are you a cowboy?", the rancher answers "I've lived on a ranch all my life, I look after horses and cows, so yes, I suppose I am, are you a cowboy?", "No, I am a lesbian, every day of my life I think about women, all the time". The rancher, suprised by his discovery, turns back to his whiskey when after a while the lesbian leaves and a couple sit next to him. They ask "Are you a cowboy?" he answers "I thought I was, but I just found out that i'm a lesbian" 
LMFAO I loled so hard at that.
 
I

Infrasound

Guest
#19
A little boy was sitting with his dad in the car, parked illegally when a police officer came up and gave them a ticket. As the officer walked away, the dad said "b******" and his son asked, "Daddy, what does b****** mean?". His dad said sheepishly, "Oh...um...it's just another name for a police officer!"
When he got home, his mother was in the kitchen, preparing some food. Suddenly, she cut her finger with a knife and shouted, "F***!". The boy aked, "Mummy...what does F*** mean?". His mother blushed and said,"It's just another word for cut."
Then, his older brother got back from football training and slipped up on the mat. "S---!" he exclaimed. "What's that mean?" asked the boy. "Er.. well, it's just another name for the mat really."
The little boy wandered into the bathroom where his dad was shaving. His dad cut his chin and said, "Oh bollocks!". The boy asked,"What's bollocks Daddy?". "Well son, um... it just means face."
There was a knock at the door and the little boy ran to answer it. There was a police officer standing at the front door.
The boy said, "Hello b******. Come in, don't forget to wipe your feet in the S***. Da's in the bathroom, shaving his bollocks, and Mum's in the kitchen, F****** the chicken."

One a day I'm gonna to Malta to big a hotel. In a morning I got down to eat a breakfast. I tell a waitress: "I wanna two pieces of toast."
She brings me only one piece.
I tell her: "I wanna two piece."
She says: "Go to the toilet."
I say: "You don't understand? I wanna two piece in my plate."
She says: "You better no piss in a plate, you son of a b****!"
I don't even know the lady and she call me son of a b****.

Later.
I go to eat to a bigger restaurant. The waitress brings me the spoon, the knife but no fork. I tell her: "I wanna the fork."
She tells me: "Everybody wanna Flip."
I tell her: "You don't understand? I wanna the fork at the table."
She says: "You better not Flip at the table you son of a b****!"

So I go back to my room in a hotel and there is no sheets on the bed. Call the manager. I tell him: "I wanna sheet."
He tell me: "To go to the toilet."
I say: "You don't understand? I wanna sheet on a bed."
He says: "You better not Shoot on my bed you son of a b****."
I go to the check out and the man at the desk said: "Peace on you!"
I said: "Piss on you too, you son of a b****."
I'm gonna back to Italia, Arrivederci